You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
