her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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