It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
