That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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