Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
