If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
