I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Randomize
