I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
