I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
