I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
