I hate your face
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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