I got chris browned last night
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
