good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
