Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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