I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
love makes seman taste better
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
