I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
