Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I CAN MOONWALK!
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
