Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
