I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
