You just made me feel so damn special
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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