Can i not drive my cunt home
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
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