My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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