lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
