Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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