Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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