I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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