summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
