I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
She's the barista slut.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
