yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
