you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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