Need sex. Gaining weight.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
