i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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