brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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