Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
