I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
