Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
