it wasn't lemon gatorade
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
