when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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