My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
