yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
