woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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