my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
