Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Randomize
