So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
