i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
