and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
