He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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