yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
