Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
