I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
